Swine flu is getting up my nose

A few weeks ago I thought that I might have had my first swine flu casualty, but luckily for that person everything was O.K.

But now I won’t be able to go to the country of blonde, leggy women, the Ukraine. The goverment has as far as I know, stopped all movement in my line of work.

I guess the warmer climates of the UK beckon me for a little longer.

An America, Indian, Austrialian and a French man go into a bar…..

Which one gets the girl. That girl being me......

Actually, none of them! I was on a flirting mission, given that I now 28, how many attempts do I have left before all my desirable parts move to Texas?

The Indian gentleman was well trained by his mother and turned up to the classical music concert of 15th century music and sat all the way through it. He bought me flowers; he said my dress was classy and that I looked beautiful. On my birthday, all men should be nice to me, so this was an excellent start. He was very skilled at unravelling all the hard work put into the day by getting far too drunk.

On an evening prior to this, I met a French man and I thought I should practise my flirting with him. Flirting should involve a lot of eye contact, suggestive comments and lots of attention. All of these things I gave, only for him to be oblivious. That is the problem with younger men, I have been reminded why older men are so much more desirable, they have learnt to pick up the signals and they respond to them. On that same night, I told him of his mistake, and he asked me why was I not more obvious. I always thought flirting was the testing ground, part of the prelude, the fore-play that leads you to the obvious part. What obvious meant to this guy, I did not ask. Later that night, his flirting technique involved telling me that I had stars in my eyes. If this were ever true, I would be wondering where the paramedics are and am I still here?

Then later, I was approached be an 18 year old Aussie. When I told him that he is far too young, he responded that he has slept with 30 year old women. Discussing this at a later occasion, someone remarked that it was funny that this boy measured his maturity by the age of the women he has slept with.

Lastly, a tip for all men; as shown by the American guy:
Never, never, ever, try to win the girl on the basis that you earn more than others. It only attracts the wrong kind of women. Which part of your trouser bulge do you want a woman to be attracted to?

A woman should never chase, a man will never say ‘no’. The best fun a girl can have at the end of a good flirting session is to disappear! Which is exactly what I did, the mystery for the reader is to decide which one surprised me.........