The return home

Dear Gentlemen, You may or may not be pleased to know, my time in Moscow does have an end. I shall be returning early June and I hope to be around for a little while. But then you never can tell, plans are already in the pipeline. I have no idea where next. Any hints? 

Three monkeys and the ‘New age’.

Having recently and inadvertently become a fag’s hag, which is a terrible term as I am actually very nice. I have been to a few gay clubs recently.  Every time I go, something odd happens. The first time, I seem to have somewhat drunkenly converted myself, but I do not have the memories to match my friends’ tales of the night. The second time in a much more sober and sensible fashion, I went to the same club, only for it to set alight after a drag queen’s act. Seems the EU has done something right with making sure materials in public places don’t just blow up. Everyone is now aware of my thoughts about Russian men, but I was starting to think, even gay Russian men are not nice.

Until, I went to a different club in the city. Now I am wishing to be reincarnated as a gay man. Don’t be mistaken, I love being a woman, it has so many advantages and I would not had the position I have now otherwise. But I have never seen cheek bones or muscles like it, and I am not automatically a fan of muscles. It is well documented I like smart men, but in this place all you can do is look. However there was a member of our group who is straight. It took some convincing that he would not be groped and that there are lots of women that go to such clubs. After all I was going! So it was agreed I would help him to make it clear to gay men, that he is straight. Only this turned into an unwelcomed opportunity and frankly lazy attempt and excuse to get as close as possible. Of course attention is always supported, but lazy attention is just a turn off.

Then, to add insult to the unavailability of any decent men in Moscow, I managed to meet one at a dinner party. I walked into a dinner party and instantly spotted this particular gentleman, and enquired about him. I found out that he was Norwegian, and his name, and yes, he was wearing glasses, and no sign of alcoholism. As luck would have it we said a fairly brief and a hopefully prosaic ‘hi’. During the evening, as I sat with various friends around the table, we began an uncomfortable staring game. But alas, a chat later that night revealed that he was going home the next day. So knowing the conversation would be fruitless, no romantic meals etc, I did something fairly candid. I decided to just tell the guy I thought he was one of the most attractive men I have met in Moscow, and it is a shame he is going home, and finished the conversation there. I am sure he and most other men are not frequently given compliments by women and it was really fun to do so. I think women should do it more often and it is my new objective. But on the upside, my last trip out to the gay club ended up with a girl giving me her number. Later that night, she even returned to give me her number again, in case she had made a mistake. Perhaps now is the chance to fulfil a prophecy I made late last year.

Statistics

I can thoroughly announce that January, apparently the most depressing month of the year started with a bang this year. I can now put the lid on my 2008 resolutions, as I managed to find time to head off to Milan to go to some ‘parties’. I headed into these events like a drug addict knowing this will be their last fix. Some visual images will most likely not be deleted until the onset of Alzheimer’s. So now heading into the year of sobriety, this is certainly not the year to head into excess. It is even the year where more importantly people are not seen to be heading into excess. I, like a sheep, will be joining everyone at this time, by going without.

In truth I think I had got to the stage where I was a little too comfortable with drinking, having gone from being teetotal to slightly merry, even on a Sunday night was a little too much for me. Even then without ever being blotto, I can find time to utter the immortal words ‘I am never drinking again’. Only to be invited out for my boss’s birthday and crumble two weeks later, and yes, one glass does count. I am lucky in that I have never subscribed to binge culture.

There has only ever been one thing I could manage on occasions to take to extremes, and it is completely natural. But technically I go without sex here in Moscow, can it possible to have binge sex? Well it might be a necessity; I would rather go without here in Moscow. I am so sorry to report, that whilst I am jealous of the amount of couples I see making out on the subway. I don’t feel envious of any Russian woman involved in the embraces. So how does a woman like me go without, like a teacher waiting for the half-term, you just count down the days to the next release date to Europe. A gay friend of mine reported his statistics that his head turns half as much here in Moscow. The other method of coping is to hit the replay button of a particularly passionate session. Only, in imitation of the real life event, I keep waking up with the first light of the morning. Just in time to hit the snooze button.............

Welcome to 2009, are you feeling repressed yet?

Well one thing is for the sure, the major of London is not repressed. I read the funniest quote recently, Mr. Johnson states he has not had to masturbate in 20 years, because women find his large sexual presence so satisfying. Ok, I have met men like that, I can relate to what other women might be thinking. But here is an accusation he might have heard before, maybe he could be lacking imagination, which is the key to a man’s self pleasure, and less importantly, running London. But good for you, Mr. Johnson, a man with clean hands.

My last pledge to myself in 2008 was to be hedonistic, which lead me up some weird and wonderful avenues. Although, as someone quite rightly pointed out, you cannot count yourself in that club until you have been involved in an orgy! Well I was working on that one, but living in Moscow does not exactly make it easy. With that one allowance to be made for this year, I think everyone is in the process of sobering up to the good news ahead of us. Sadly, I have decided that includes me too. Aside from the usual, “I will read more, work out more, eat less, and drink less”, everyone has the mentality of poverty stricken Dickens’ characters, one step away from the debtors jail. Which could not be further from the truth, an aversion to lavishness is the theme to 2009. I am quite glad sometimes that I could not access the net and buy English newspapers in Moscow, I will be even happier to live in ignorance for a while on my return.

Then there are always more things to think about in a year ahead, you not only have to decide to cut out certain behaviours, but sometimes people have to be left behind too. On occasions, it can be very easily justified and these thoughts take little time to conclude. But sometimes, it takes real turmoil and strength to admit that you have made a misjudgement about a person, that something blinds you to their faults. So many have been there, I am sure. On the upside, with the dead wood chopped aside, there is lot more room and energy for new people and faithful people, that deserve your time and treat all people genuinely, honestly, and with real generosity.

And for me, new people, also means new employers!! So I can no longer have real drive over the year ahead, even my location is in their hands for now, so watch this space.

Back to the USSR

The summer is over, and what adventures has Belle Lulu been up to. The most recent discoveries of the summer are that the Russian women are so well maintained. When you see women dressed in prom dresses at 8 ‘O’ clock in the morning on the way to work, it puts British standards to shame. In spite of finding the men unappealing in most cases; a bout of unconsidered confidence resulted in finding one of the few men which saved Belle lulu from a 100% conversion from the bisexual to the lesbian. Then I would be leaving the readers of this site concerned, especially if I felt like cutting my hair very short and naming myself Jack in order to fit in. After all, Russian men, you don’t know how lucky you are boys! But then following a perfect weekend of classical concert, jazz and clubs, neither does Belle Lulu know how lucky she was. But I was glad to find my studious counterpart defeated by the need to party and finding the perfect companions to party with.

The result of my adventures is that I am relocating, or at least I hope so, for a year to Moscow. So now, I am left with ‘commuting’ if I want to come to London, and if I am keep up with the ‘real’ world. There are no doubts that living in Moscow leaves the rest of the world outside, I exist in a political and journalistic void. It is also so easy to become an unwitting criminal just for being a British or American citizen, as I found out one evening. Celebrating the end of a professional course I studied in Moscow, I went out with a group of mixed nationalities; including Russian, and we sat in the park. Our night nearly ended in a trip to the police station because some of the group did not have all their papers. It was a shame that the essence of police corruption, the need for bribes, which we did not give into, nearly spoilt the whole trip. Luckily, the group are able to laugh about it now and it actually succeeded in bringing our new friendship closer.

But what new adventures or trouble could I possibly find myself getting into for the future? Perhaps, you could be hearing about a new jazz act emerging out of Russia. Or a new Carrie Bradshaw for Moscow, the city is far more sexual than New York. If you don’t believe me, take a trip around the metro. There are more couples having adventures there, the idea of hotels for couples to visit like those in Buenos Aires just does not exist in Moscow. Telling them to get a room, is nigh impossible when prices can hit $1000 a night. But I cannot blame them; it is not high brow entertainment that comes first for this lady either. The only way I can think of causing some trouble is in my plans for keeping warm. I am sure it can get very cold if you go outside this winter.